Chicago

Step 1: Prospective LASIK surgery patients are asked to come in to watch an informational video on the procedure, then take a brief eye exam (read the chart) so they have an idea of what your prescription is, and then to sit down with the pricing consultant.

Step 2: Step 2 is an in depth examination by an optometrist, rather than the nurse/assistant who takes a broad measurement in step 1. This step can actually be combined with the first, but step 2 is supposed to occur no less than 30 days before the surgery.

Step 3: The LASIK Surgery.

Because of the timing of my flex benefit election date, and a commitment in early January, I needed to split up steps 1 and 2. Thus, in early December, I went in for step 1. The informational video was only mildly informative, but quite dull. (You might get 20/20 vision, you might get better, you might get worse, aliens might come for you, we won't actually commit to anything so we don't get sued, etc.)

The real fireworks started when I sat for the chart and realized I could hardly read the big E at the top of my chart without my glasses. I believe the assistant muttered something about 400/20, but don't quote me on that. Anyhow, I was pretty well blind without my glasses, but contacts or glasses could still correct me to 20/20.

After the initial prescription was determined, I was ushered into a too-small room with an attractive girl about my age who proceeded to explain my options. The way they do things at Lasik Vision Institute is to offer two different LASIK procedures, with various 'insurance' levels. The first procedure is 'traditional.' They apparently set the laser to a standard setting corresponding to your eyeglass prescription, and pulse away. They promise improved vision from the traditional procedure, but they avoid any mention of 20/20. They just say you probably won't need glasses.

The second option is a Custom procedure. (I think they call it Personal Best Vision.) The idea behind this procedure is they map your eyeball and then the laser adjusts for every imperfection. The claim is that this procedure is more likely to give you better results, and less likely to require a 'redo'.

The three insurance options were: one year of coverage, three years of coverage, or lifetime coverage. The coverage just simply means subsequent LASIK surgeries should there be an issue with the first go-round.

The price scale I was presented with looked like this:

I can't find the actual pricing sheet, so this is from memory, but I'm 95% sure these numbers are correct.

Yes, there was a significant sticker-shock, especially since I have two eyes and wanted to get the custom-lifetime package. Now, an important thing to remember is that these prices are always negotiable, so I let on right away that it was too expensive for me.

Now, I had a bit of lucky timing as it was the end of December. And, like me, many people who are considering the surgery in December are willing to wait until January so they can use flex money (that they have presumably already spent for the year come December.) To counter this tendency, many LASIK surgery places offer year end deals. I hemmed and hawed and told the sales person I would sleep on my decision.

When I came in for the in depth eye exam, I met with the sales girl and told her I would really like to do the full works (lifetime coverage and custom procedure), but I just didn't want to pay full price. I told her if she would give me the December prices in January, I would do the surgery, otherwise I would just wait a year and do the surgery the following December.

This seemed effective. She told me she had to check with her manager, and would give me a call. Sure enough, the next day she called and told me that the discount had been approved. And I gladly informed her I would like to schedule the procedure in mid-January. My final cost was $2,998 for both eyes, everything included.

At this point, I'll list some of my complaints with the Lasik Vision Institute. The biggest complaint I have is that they did not tell me that I had to have annual eye exams to keep the lifetime coverage valid. My thinking on choosing lifetime coverage was that if I ever wanted a 'tune-up,' I wouldn't have to pay for the surgery again. And, despite the fact that this was an unlikely situation, I was only paying $150 - $300 for this insurance - a fair trade-off. But no, throw in the $50/year cost for an eye exam and suddenly the insurance trade-off isn't that great of a value. (If I had it to do over again, I would have paid for the one year custom.)

Another complaint I have was that the LASIK Vision institute does not communicate well. The Thursday before my surgery, I got a call in the middle of the work day from a surgical assistant asking me why I wasn't there for surgery-prep? I explained to them that my surgery was scheduled for that Saturday, and he proceeded to tell me that I was wrong. Anyhow, I told them that no, I couldn't come in with five minutes notice in the middle of the work-week, and that they would need to re-examine their appointment books because I had an appointment for that Saturday. They then acted like they were doing me a favor and scheduled me for that Saturday.

A half hour later, I received another phone call from the receptionist explaining that they'd made a mistake, and should have scheduled me for that Saturday, and then she confirmed my new appointment for Saturday. Apologetic and kind, she then took the initiative to ask if I'd gotten the eye-drop prescription filled. I explained that I was planning to do it on Friday, and then she ran through a list of pre-surgery instructions that I had never been informed about.

Before your surgery: Eat a meal before coming in, don't drink caffeine, don't wear fuzzy clothes (that would carry a static charge), and wear warm clothes. She then also mentioned (for the first time) that the 'no interest/no payments for 12 months' deal they use to lure in people is offered by a third-party (Care Credit) and that you have to have that all worked out in advance. (This was irrelevant to me as I was going to pay with Flex money anyhow, but I had been entertaining the idea of using the no interest period as I waited for the flex money to come. However, if I had been counting on it, this would have been a MAJOR surprise.)

Now why would they make those suggestions? Eat a meal because the surgery-day takes a lot longer than it should (like 5 hours) and you'll be starving if you don't. They say don't drink caffeine because they don't want you jittery. My advice is that you ignore this, especially if you're a caffeine-addict like me. You'll already be nervous as hell, suffering caffeine withdrawal is one less thing you need to deal with (the surgical assistant agreed with this statement... but for liability reasons they won't actually say that in their material.) The prohibition on fuzzy clothes makes sense to avoid shocks, but is only important in the last 30 minutes. Finally, wear warm clothes because the last hour of your surgery is spent in a room that's probably about 50 degrees. I have no idea why they freeze you before the surgery, but they do, so bring an extra sweater.

On the day of my surgery, my Mom came into the city to accompany me to the LASIK Vision Institute. I had repeatedly told her she didn't need to come. I am, after all a big kid (maybe even an adult) and can take a cab by myself, but she insisted, so I let her. Best thing ever. This isn't a suggestion, it's absolutely mandatory. Have someone with you!

Fortunately for me, the Thursday/Saturday debacle had moved my appointment back from 10 a.m. to noon. So, we walked over to the LASIK Vision Institute around mid-day and grabbed a Jimmy Johns sandwich across the street. At noon, I presented myself to the receptionist and began filling out paperwork. At this point, your friend/Mom/wife/husband/boyfriend/etc. should smile, wave, and inform you that they are going to go explore downtown Chicago for a few hours, because otherwise they will just sit in a waiting room while you wait in another waiting room. I'm not sure why they don't have you wait with your loved ones, but they keep you separate for the rest of the day, and that's just stupid.

After filling out the paperwork, you wait. Then, you are re-tested by the optometrist. Next you wait. Then you see the billing person. Then you wait. Then you wait, and wait, and wait. After something like four hours, your name is called, you go downstairs and sit in a cool (as in cold, definitely not hip) waiting room with a poor selection of old magazines. The surgical assistant might come in after 15 minutes and distribute ant-shock booties to put over your shoes, and anti-shock hair nets. They also give you these dark blue bags that resemble a very inexpensive shaving kit. Inside are another bottle of prescription eye-drops (not the same as the prescription you have to get beforehand), a selection of no-preservative eye drops, some cheesy sun-glasses, and a clear plastic face-shield. The militant (as in ex-military) surgical assistant then walks through a page of instructions about the do's and don'ts of post-surgery life.

Don't: touch your eyes for six weeks, workout for two weeks, swim for six weeks after surgery.

After another half-hour, you are moved to a smaller, colder waiting room with an even worse selection of old magazines. You are with, perhaps six people now, and one-by-one, each person goes into the next room where you lay down on a chair. At this point, you've been nervous all day, but if you're like me you'll really start to freak out.

As they tell you, there really isn't a reason to freak out. The assistant brings you into the room, you lie back on a gurnee and look up into a bright light. They put in some anesthetic drops so you can't really feel anything. Your vision gets a little blurry at this point. They then pull your eyelids back and put in a little plastic spacer that keeps you from shutting your eyelids.

The spacer can be a little painful, but you're so focused on the other things going on around you that you don't really focus on it. After your eye-lids have been propped open, they put something that feels like a suction cup on your eye. (One eye at a time.) This suction thing clamps down through suction and then a blade slices the flap in your cornea. This is probably the most frightening part of the procedure as your vision blacks out as the cornea is cut and the flap is flipped up.

By this time, I was pretty much hyper-ventilating, but I wasn't done yet. You then have to look at a red dot which is actually a laser. It does it's work and the only thing you feel is the annoyance of having to look at a red dot for five seconds.

After you finish your first eye, it's time to repeat the process for the second eye. The suction, the flap, the red light, the corrected vision.

I think I was in the 'operating room' for all of seven minutes. I walked in nearly blind, I walked out seeing pretty well. (I also donated my old glasses to the Lion's Club. Try to remember to do so!)

Post-surgery is no picnic. Your eyes will hurt for several hours, probably closer to 12 to 24 hours. I would say you have about 15 minutes after the surgery before you really start feeling the pain. (Hence I advocate spending the night at the Homewood Suites hotel next door to the Lasik Vision Center unless you live a few miles away.) For the next few hours, you should sleep, and you really need to plan to keep your eyes closed. After three or four hours, you might feel like peeking at the world around you, but you'd be better off sleeping through the night if possible.

The following morning, there is a next-day follow up at 8 a.m. Get there early as the first people there get through the line fastest and out to resume their lives. The other thing to remember is that you'll be sensitive to light for two or three days after the operation, and things will get better soon thereafter.

Here's a handy post-op schedule of thoughts:
0 mins OMG! I can see
15 mins OMG! I can't stop crying and my nose is running like crazy
45 mins In bed, pleading to actually fall asleep. The pain is bad! Why did I do this?
3 hours Wake up, nose still running. Gotta go to the bathroom, but stub toe because it hurts to open my eyes to see where I'm going.
5 hours Wake up, take a drink, peek at clock which I can see without glasses... still very light sensitive!
14 hours Slept all night. The world is a little blurry. I'm already getting confused by all the eyedrops. Time to go in for my follow up appointment.
15 hours 20/20 vision in my right eye, 20/15 in my left. Dorky 'sun-shades' much appreciated
16 hours On sofa. Can't read. Prefer to keep my eyes closed. Listening to talking heads on TV
20 hours Actually watching TV by now. Eyes are dry, using lots of eye drops.
24 hours Tired of my apartment. Went to church, still light sensitive.
25 hours Decide to go visit friends. Feeling pretty good. I cheat a little and take the dorky sunglasses off. Am simply amazed at how good my night vision is. Everything is much brighter at night compared to just one day ago.
40 hours Still have dry eyes. A little tentative about looking at a computer screen all day at work.
42 hours Finally finish answering questions from co-workers. Computer screen isn't too bad.
47.5 hours Duck out of work a little early. Eyes still dry and fatigued. Think I'll take a nap.
3-10 days Vision occasionally blurry. Eyes consistently dry. Take lots of eyedrops everywhere.
12-20 days Vision rarely blurry, but sometimes. Eyes better, drops a few times daily as needed. Generally after coming in from outside.